Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
