you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
