I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize