I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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