Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
