"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Houston, we have a blender
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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