Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
