She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize