pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
