Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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