Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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