I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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