so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
