you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
