Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
