This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
