So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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