Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
two words...techno handjob
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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