the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
