Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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