this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
