So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
