I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
