just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
