... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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