What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
