people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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