You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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