Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize