one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is Oprah even human
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
