He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I love having hate sex.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
