I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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