I'm going to jail i love you
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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