so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
