all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
