tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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