So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
