Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
