someone threw a dead crab at me
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
