I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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