even my farts smell like vagina
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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