I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
