I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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