Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
