Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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