i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's blow job season.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
