I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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