I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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