I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
