her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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