omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Ladies don't puke and tell
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
