I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
