She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
