16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
