What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So squirting runs in the family.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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