so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
