Having a random hookup so left but love u
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
