if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
