3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
