Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
