Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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