Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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