I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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