Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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