I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
