I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
