Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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