Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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